nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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