In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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