You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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