____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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