he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
