I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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