Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
