Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
