hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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