just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
