Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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