what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
