my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
