I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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