dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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