And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
