So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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