Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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