I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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