This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
