I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
