I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize