Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
