eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
