your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
