I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
