Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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