the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
