Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
