dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize