I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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