my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
