Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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