We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
