Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
