I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
