dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
