Pappa wants mamma naked
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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