he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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