The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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