and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
