i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize