life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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