He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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