Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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