we have pet lesbian snakes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
