i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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