I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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