Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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