walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
