she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
