im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
