Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
