Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In other news, I just burned my penis
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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