Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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