why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
