i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize