With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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