Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Screwed.edu
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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