This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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