wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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