Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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