Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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