Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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