I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
