After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
