we have pet lesbian snakes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Randomize
