sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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