so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
