So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
