Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
