You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize