if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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