Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
